I Was Pregnant

Let me start by saying, this is not an easy post. It is probably sad to some. But putting “pen to paper” is somewhat therapeutic for me.

On November 16th, 2014, I looked at the calendar app on my phone and realized, I was supposed to start my period on the 15th. That was only a day late. But after 13 months of trying to get pregnant, I had a feeling. So on November 16th, I stopped at CVS on my way home and got a test. The good kind. The kind that digitally tells you if you are or are not pregnant and tells you how far.

I didn’t mention to Michael I had bought the test. I wanted to surprise him if we were. Honestly, all gut feelings aside, I had really low hopes and still did not expect a positive- its hard to imagine getting one after 13 months of negative tests.

But I got it. On November 17th at 7:16AM, after 9 months of trying, and 4 months of doctor assisted help, I had gotten the long awaited positive.

I was going to wait and tell Michael in some cutesy way worthy of pinterest but I just couldn’t help it. I went back to bed shaking and crying from joy, woke him up immediately to tell him. Assuming I was shaking from cold he told me to get under the covers to which I replied, “Ok, but can I tell you something cool?”. Thats when I told him we were pregnant. Its a grainy photo, but we were so excited!

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We carried through the next two days we had off together shopping for christmas and just being excited about the baby!

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We invited family over and told them all by praying for the meal and at the end, thanking God for the baby. The reactions were priceless: from shocked looks to questions like “What baby?”

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On December 2nd we had our first ultrasound. The baby was too tiny to find but we found the proof of the baby and were able to schedule a follow up appointment to see it again. That was going to be December 12th.

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We didn’t make it to December 12th.

On December 4th, I noticed some light bleeding so I called my doctor. She told me to monitor it but it sounded ok because there wasn’t any pain and the bleeding was minimal. Even after this reassurance, I called again just to hear it again. Call it maternal instincts if you want, but I still felt like something was wrong.

And I was right. At 3:24AM on December 5th, I woke up in severe pain and with severe bleeding. I knew something wasn’t right. I woke Michael up and we prayed, but there was nothing we could do but wait until morning when the doctor opened.

We were at the doctors office by 8:21AM on December 5th. That’s 9 minutes before they even open.

My doctor took me back and confirmed my biggest fears. We had lost the baby.

Immediately, I went into a state of sadness and guilt. Trying to think of all the things I had done in the past 48 hours between our ultrasound on December 2nd and the bleeding on the 4th. What did I do to hurt this tiny creation?

I began apologizing to Michael profusely. I lost our baby. The one we had worked and waited for for so long.

I cried, because what else can you do? Although only 6 weeks along, it was a death in our family.

I thought of what I did or could have done and begin to list the things that could have caused this.

I asked the doctor what we can do. Do we have options? Will this happen again? Is it likely we’ll have another LONG wait?

This was the worst day of my life.

But I had to find comfort. Somewhere there had to be something to make losing the tiny little human you were so excited about a little easier. I will admit, although it hurt, the emotional pain was far worse than the physical pain.

That’s when Michael, being the amazing husband he is, told me:

Our baby is in the presence of God now.

That’s it. There is my comfort.

It still pains me to think of the loss and scares me that it may still happen again if and when we do get pregnant again. It’s still a very fresh wound that stings and hurts when I move. It’s a pain I will always carry, knowing I lost our first child. But in this situation, blame helps no one, too much grief creates eternal sadness, and tons of crying just makes your face hurt after a while.

I share this, not for sympathy, but for coping. Its a selfish post for me to express how I feel. It is also shared in hopes that, if someone else miscarries and needs hope, they can read that one line “Our baby is in the presence of God” and find the same comfort I did. In times of such struggle, God is the only way I can imagine ever making it through. His strong hands hold me and lift me up. He wipes my tears and brings me hope that there will be a future bundle of joy, and if not, we will still somehow be parents.

I apologize for such early morning sadness but I appreciate prayer, not only for me and my husband, but for everyone else who suffers such a loss.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  -Romans 15:13

Dream Job

Do what you love

We all know the saying “If you do something you love, you’ll never work a day in your life”. Who doesn’t like the sound of that?! Never work a day in your life?? That is something we strive for and desire more than anything else. Call it the pursuit of happiness or just being lazy and not wanting to work; either way, it is in our nature to seek a job that doesn’t actually feel like “work”.

It seems like the impossible task sometimes though. How often do you find yourself saying “If only I could get paid to do this forever!?”

But think about it. If you got paid to lay on the beach every day and get a tan, eventually, you’d be a human bearing a very strong resemblance to an overgrown lobster. This then would offer the question, was that really your “dream job” or just something you enjoy doing?

Point being, finding your dream job isn’t necessarily about turning one of your hobbies into a fully paid position. It’s about more than that.

It’s abut discovering a passion. Finding something you love thinking about in your free time that will provide an interaction level that you desire, then finding jobs, markets, industries that are there and deal with what you love.

But don’t think you should give up your tanning (or whatever it is you do for fun). It is so important to make sure to incorporate your hobby into your routine. Create a good work/home balance.

When you finally do find that one thing you think about and enjoy, definitely look for a way to pursue it, but make sure you don’t get consumed by it. I am guilty of this all the time, especially once I have what I was pursuing. It becomes hard not to let myself get wrapped up in my job all the time but when I make sure to leave work at work and come home looking forward to something else, I am end up with a fulfilling balance that really makes me feel like I’m “never working a day of my life”

This is all just some food for though. Always remember, dream jobs are out there, but getting wrapped up in finding your dream job can so quickly turn a dream into a nightmare. Find what you love, pursue it, obtain it, and balance it.

written with love, t.

 

Sleeping Bags & Quality Time

I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order.

-John Burroughs

This past Labor Day weekend was a first for me and M. We decided to take on the adventure of the great outdoors!

Since we hadn’t been camping together before, we decided to keep it really low key and relaxed: minimal daytime plans, no crazy meals, no expectations. Me being the type A planner I am, this was not easy for me…

But as it turns out, it was GREAT!

We went to Asheville, NC and stayed at a campgrounds called Lake Powhatan as recommended by a friend. It was a nice campsite with friendly people and easy to navigate campsites. We had a flat space for our tent, a campfire ring, and a picnic bench. It really was the perfect setup for us.

We were tucked way up in the mountains and since we were there for 3 days, we kept our phones on airplane mode to save battery. That means I wasn’t able to post to social media sites but I was able to snap some great shots that capture our experience!

We first arrived in the dark on Friday so there weren’t any pictures to capture that little endeavor (trust me, it was an interesting one!)

But Saturday morning we woke up and started a fire (courtesy of M)

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We boiled water and made coffee in our new Coffee Press to enjoy while we read the bible aloud to each other:

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We went on some day hikes around the campgrounds:

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Cooked some hotdogs and corn for dinner:

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Naturally, we roasted some marshmallows:

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Reese’s were an amazing decision!

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I actually had the patience not to burn the marshmallows!

 

 

We drove up the mountain and passed some beautiful scenery:

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Hiked more and saw an amazing waterfall:

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M made me super nervous trying to climb up a straight cliff:

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And then we packed our things and returned home to Georgia. Overall, it was an amazing weekend where (after 16 months of marriage) we were able to learn even more about each other and spend some much needed alone, technology free, quality time together.

It was such a nice trip! I highly recommend camping to families on a budget and I also recommend it to newlyweds looking to spend time loving each other without distraction!

Some cost saving tips:

  • We made our own trail mix- You get more in the end plus it can be exactly what you want!
  • We ordered a sleeping bag from amazon and it suited us just fine.
  • We borrowed what we could from family (camp chairs, a tarp, marshmallow sticks, a cooler…)
  • We did spend money reserving our campsite since it would be a busy weekend but you can easily find free sites or first come first serve freebies.
  • We froze our water bottles before leaving so we didn’t have to buy ice. Surprisingly, this lasted us all weekend!
  • We used in the mail drive through coupons for the drive up on Friday rather than stopping somewhere “fancy”.
  • We took several kitchen containers to store our food in so it didn’t get stale overnight.

Hope you decided to go camping as well. Whether with a significant other or with some friends, it really is a peaceful time.

shared with love, t.

Getting Fit- No Excuses

I have mentioned before wanting to revamp my workout and fitness lifestyles but the problem is, gyms are so expensive! So are studios that host classes.

It would be easy to let that stop me, trust me, I can be the queen of excuses sometimes, but I decided this needs to be a priority of mine. Not just for me. Obviously, begin healthy and getting fit is for me, but it is also great for other reasons.

For example, being fit can:

  1. Keep marriage/relationships strong by keeping your significant other attracted to you.
  2. Boost self confidence.
  3. Clear skin of blemishes and acne.
  4. Keep you mentally focused and improve your attention level.
  5. Increase/better blood flow.
  6. Bring you closer to God by taking care of the body he gave you.

SO many other benefits to.

So when I started listing out the benefits in my head, I realized there was no excuse that could outweigh them. I have now decided that I will make it happen.

That being said, I have ordered a yoga/pilates/strength training DVD series from Amazon, but in waiting for it to be delivered, I found this Pilates video on YouTube. I highly recommend it. It’s free to watch and follow along and you can do it on a yoga mat, a beach towel, or just the floor of your own living room!

Pop Pilates for Beginners

happy fitness, t.

Keep Calm and Do Pilates

Doors Will Close

I am excited and saddened to announce that today was my last day working in downtown Atlanta. I am leaving the hotel business to work in…

…drumroll please…

The wedding industry!

Although this is still considered the hospitality industry, most of you who know me will agree that I am well suited for weddings. It will be a transition for sure, but one I am embracing and welcoming with open arms.

In the midst of all the “change”, I am learning to rely on the unknown rather than fear it.

“Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”

So as one door closes, another will open. Tuesday I will start writing an entirely new chapter of my life.

To all my friends who I crossed paths with at the Hilton Atlanta, I will be forever thankful that God allowed me to meet you.

But before I begin a new chapter, I will take a weekend to relax on my first camping trip with my beloved husband.

blog again later, t.

The Power of a Thank You

Thank You Cards

Compliments are nice. Everyone knows that. Hearing “you look so nice” or “you did such a great job” builds you up and really encourages you to continue either doing what you were doing or to do and be even better. This applies to all aspects of life.

The power of a thank you is the same. Being thanked for a gift, sharing your time, helping someone with whatever, all serve as a piece of gratitude. In a way, a Thank You for a gift is just as great as a gift itself. It’s a token of gratitude, a sign of appreciation, a gift of gratefulness.

Also, outdated (and grossly underestimated): a Thank You card. A simple handwritten, self addressed, piece of fancy pretty paper that says “I appreciate you so much that I took the time to write down in words that gratitude and spent 42 cents to mail it (within the U.S.)”… That puts a smile on my face for sure!

This is what I came home to tonight. After spending a very long time fighting traffic and trying to remain patient and calm, I was able to walk in and read two sweet letters of appreciation from people I feel close to. I am grateful for the uplifting words that can help turn my impatient and irritated frown into an ear to ear smile knowing I made others happy.

Good family, Good friends, Good times.

This week has been a week full of blessings. M is home from military training and we have been able to spend time together. Family came over for a big “breakfast for dinner” night. Wednesday was a quiet night for me as M spent time with other friends.

Tonight will be an extra fun challenge. We have friends coming over and have a fun meal planned. The newest twist is that one of the friends has celiac’s disease and we needed to go gluten free! To that I say, Challenge Accepted!

We will be making a roasted tomato soup and “grilled cheese”. Recipes to be posted later (at which time, the “” will make sense 😉

written with love, t.

0500 Wake Up Call

If you already know me, you know that my husband is is in the Georgia National Guard. That means he is in the military but does not have to do military stuff as his primary job. It’s like being a double agent- Army Man and Civilian Man.

Being in the Guard also means we do not have to live on base but just that he will report when necessary. This morning is the tail end of his unit’s AT (Annual Training) which means he was able to come home last night but had to report back this morning.

Saturday morning…

At 5 am….

Needless to say, I am now awake.

At 5 am…

Saturday Morning…

So what will I do with my time?

I would like to work on my health- Spiritual and Physical. Spend some time both walking my dog and walking with my God. No better way to have personal growth than by working in these two areas. Both are proven ways to reduce stress and help in a variety of other aspects of life as well. Looking at my body and mind and as a temple and a gift from God makes me want to take care of it that much more.

But, as I said, “I would like to…”

These are my plans. But, unlike my husband, I am not in the army, I am just married to it. So I think for now, I will go back to sleep and enjoy one of the perks of Saturdays and push these plans to a more reasonable Saturday morning time. Like 0900. Or 1000….

Happy Weekend Friends.

written with love, t.

A Long Hard Day

Ever have one of those days?

Thats a very loaded question; your answer really could fall on either side of the fence. You either had a difficult day that seemed to take forever and nothing seemed to go right -OR- a wonderful day that seemed to encompass so much sweetness and joy.

Well, today was one of those days.

Which kind of day am I talking about?

Both!

It was long and hard, things went wrong, time stood still and I was frustrated, and yet the day was fleeting, wonderful, and full of miraculous and amazing moments.

I started my day bright and early with a little bit of reading my Bible. I’m currently roaming around the Old Testament which is a very interesting glimpse of history as well as an example of God’s presence and people. Then the day progressed to making coffee, getting dressed, doing hair, sitting in traffic, going to work, fixing issues, down time, crazy time, lunch time, more crazy, more down, traffic, dinner, quality time with my husband (and cookie dough and our current favorite show on Netflix- How I Met Your Mother), and now time to reflect on the happenings of the day.

At several  points in my day, I was ready to call it “A Good Day” and at other times it was just “A Bad Day”. Not that you were asking or even cared to know every detail of my day, but I wanted to give enough of a glimpse to prove my point. A day can be both long and taxing as well as joyous and rewarding. It can be full of highs and lows, goods and bads, funs and borings. Its all about what you fill it with.

So friends, what will tomorrow be?

written with love, t.

A Simple Start

This is the first post of, what I hope to be, many.

I have attempted blogging before but unsuccessfully posted. Now, with a new computer in hand, I am inspired to begin again. This time with recipes, shopping deals and steals, and life “lessons” as I learn them. Simplicity is my theme and new motto.

So this is it. A simple start to a new simple blog.

written with love, t.